So, I decided to go ahead and read as far back as I could on Charlie’s and Andrew’s web logs. I came up with a multitude of opinions, as I am oft wont to do. Started thinking to myself, here I am, reading their opinions and observations, and have no-one, except my captive husband, to listen to mine. Therefore…

Just a warning, my writing style tends to come off rather stiff at times.

Went upstairs to inform Ben that he is not yet asleep, mentioned this to him, among other things I will touch on in a bit. He, looking for an excuse to not go to bed, immediately comes downstairs to set this up. I don’t know how long this will hold my interest, or if people will have issue with my thoughts and opinions on them. For now, I like the idea of voicing my opinion (just mine, doesn’t mean it is so) on human society as I see it. I am a person who, depending on my mood, can shift opinions greatly. That’s warning for anyone who does read and continues to read this, if they think I am being hypocritical. I’m not. Most of the time. Not to say that I never fall guilty to that. I also have a nasty tendency to jump around on topics, as no doubt, you will discover.

Enough of that.

I went on to tell Ben what I planned to get his sister for her birthday. He asked me why I was trying to get in tight with the family. Following are my opinions.

I think both Angela (Ben’s sister) and I could tell you that we are not close. It’s not that I don’t like her. It’s that whole weird set-up of personalities. I am going to assume that she will agree with me. We have different interests. If she wasn’t family, I probably would never talk to her, of course, I would never have met her. What I am saying, as so oftens happens, you meet people during the course of the day. Some intrigue you, others don’t. Some you chose to follow up on and become friends with. I don’t think our personalities would have meshed so that we would make the effort to become friends. We just don’t have a friend relationship. A lot of that is due to me. My husband and I are defined as infertile. Angela got pregnant, pretty much on her first try. She is about five years younger than me, and I had already spent five years with the doctors trying to figure out the exact problem. I was insanely jealous. I believe I actually had a coniption (?) or two when I heard. Infertility is a difficult thing to live with, but we can touch on that later. I am not trying to make excuses for my actions. As a result of my irrationality, I did not speak to her for several months, or attend either of her two baby showers. I also told my husband that I did not want to see her for a period of time. Being the unsubtle person that he is, this got back to her. Naturally, this does not make for a close relationship. I would like to say now, that I think she is a fantastic mother, and Josh is a very intelligent, happy child. I still have jealousy issues seeing her raise him.

What I am getting at is this. Angela and I can go for several months without talking to each other. But, we are still technically family. By way of her being my husband’s step-sister since he was about 7 or 8. He does not think of her as his step-sister, and neither do I. She is his sister. It is only when I try to explain to other people that the technical terms come up. This is all thanks to today’s new nuclear family.

I am person who is ruled by her moods. My latest long-term mood is family. Angela is not required to call me or see me all the time, or vice-versa. But you should keep in touch with family and try to do nice things for them. I have been sorely lacking on this point.

No of this, in any way is a judgement on Angela. She just happended to be the convenient person who I was talking about when Ben asked me the question. The fact that I don’t communicate with her as often as I should does not have any bearing on me wanting to acknowledge her birthday, which I have shamefully missed the past 2 or 3 years.

Family is who you spend the holidays with. They are the ones that are supposed to be there, if not in an active role, on the sidelines, as quiet support when necessary. Friends can drift apart. For that matter, so can relatives. But at least most relatives feel obligated to do something. That feeling of guilt could lead to a genuine interest. You never know. I have a nasty tendency to ramble.

I think what I am getting at is this. (heard that before?) It’s okay if you don’t call up your mom every day. As long as you keep in touch to some extent.

I’m planning to have Ben work on the color scheme tomorrow. Black is very depressing. I favor a nice periwinkle. I also want him to set up something where people can make a comment.

I have several other topics to ramble on about, but that would be abusing people, after the length of this one.

Looking back on this, I’m not sure that I would understand what I am trying to say here, but oh well.