Labor and Delivery Rules

Rules for after Rebecca’s arrival, in no particular order:

• Always call before coming by.
• You will not be fed at my house.
• Do not get the idea that your finger is a pacifier and stick it in my child’s mouth.
• Do not tell me how to raise my child.  Ben and I are prepared to go with the trial and error method.
• Do not assume that because he is off work for a week that Ben can do computer work for you.  You may call Ben and talk to him as a friend, or IM him on the computer, for a limited amount of time about friend subjects.
• Do not come to my house daily.
• Do not visit without consulting me.
• Do not plan on staying at my house for hours.
• If you call, do not let the phone ring more than 5 times.  We do have caller id. You will make it onto my shit list.
• Do not assume that it is fine for you to bring your children to my house.  Just because I now will have a child, does not mean that I have the energy to deal with yours as well. Ask first.
• We are planning to breastfeed.  Yes, this is a joint effort.  After several weeks, there will be expressed bm for others to feed the baby.  Breastfeeding is not a spectator sport.  Do not assume that I am comfortable with whipping my boob out in front of you.  Do not follow me when I leave the room to feed her.  At the hospital, if I need to feed her, you need to leave the room.
• Do not assume that I am tired of holding my child.  Do not plan to come to my house to hold said child for hours on end.
• Do not try to talk me into going out and leaving you to babysit. I’ll ask when I’m ready.
• Do not get pushy about coming to my house to clean, cook, etc. This does not mean that I will reject offers, just don’t get pushy about it.  (note this does not mean that it is expected of you to offer)
• Do not expect or complain about not receiving notice that we are in labor.  Everyone will be notified after she is born when we are ready for you. If you want to verify that we’ve got your number in the post-birth list, email me. We do not require an audience while in labor.  If you do hear that we are in labor, it is not a cool thing to come by the hospital to see Tempe in pain.  Get a life and go rent a movie.  Some exceptions to this one rule may be made for immediate family. Don’t assume you get a pass. Check first.
• Do not assume that any of these rules do not apply to you.  I expect my own mother to follow these. You need to as well.
• Visitors to the hospital post-birth are welcome.